Since the rapid-fire spread of dispensaries in Toronto, the city has also seen a swift influx in something else—entitlement. I give you Humans101; where the moment we uncover a new advantage or any new comfort, we welcome it with a long list of “Shoulda’s”.
Yeah, it’s nice having huge online platforms to share all of my ideas instantly with the world, but they really *shoulda* perfected their hashtag algorithm.
Yeah, they advertise on-flight wifi but they *really shoulda* worked out the slow connectivity issues before they did that. I couldn’t even FaceTime my boyfriend on lift-off!
Yeah, this AirBnB in Brooklyn had exposed brick and cost half what a hotel would, but they shoulda at least left some lactose-free options in the fridge for our morning Americanos. Right?
Dispensaries (unfortunately) are not exempt form this kind of behaviour; having recently begun working at a one, I’ve come across a number of these colourful characters. Here’s a short list I’ve compiled of some of my favourite types of patrons coming out of the woodwork alongside the new found accessibility and convenience of medical marijuana.
THE WHITE RABBIT
I’m late! I’m late! I’m late! The White Rabbit is that patient who urges the budtender to pick up the slack—of their own time management skills. I’ve waited what seems like eons for them to bag up prepackaged birth control at the pharmacy and never in my wildest dreams thought to tell my pharmacist to hurry up. Aaaaaand I’m also fairly certain if I added up all the minutes I spent waiting on my dealer in the early 2000’s, I could lead a whole other life with them.
Most dispensaries seem to stick to the downtown core. For this reason we get some pretty serious commuters. Those long hours stuck in traffic must do something to their ability to common-sense because these particular patients are always full of surprises.
THE NUG INSPECTOR
Give an inch and they take the whole damn marijuana field. How quickly they forget the days where they barely knew the difference between a Sativa and an Indica, let alone had the option to choose between them. The Nug Inspector is more than just a picky smoker who judges buds by their cover, he is a metaphor for the evanescent nature of human thankfulness.
THE PENNY PINCHER
The wild Penny Pincher can make it’s home in any establishment, and is not as easily spotted as it is heard. Keep your ears peeled for the sounds of dimes and nickles jingling in a nearby baggy sweatpant. They are usually harmless, but always at least mildly irritating.
This guy is a long time smoker, and he will let you know it. He’s a “professional smoker”. He has smoked longer than you, your parents and your unborn children. He specializes in lengthy decisions to purchase minimal herb. He’ll get sassy and he’ll get a discount too.
Swing by your local dispensary for dat dank kush and some humorous encounters
(and don’t forget to tip!)
Words and Shitty Drawings by Nikki Bagheri